Carping on about Capons.

I know that it is poor form to criticise, and especially to do so over a niggle. But here is the nigglement.

I was recently introduced to HBO’s lovely adaptation of ‘A Song of Ice and Fire’, the hugely addictive, Game of Thrones. I agree with all my mates that it is very enjoyable and has sizzling dialogue.

So, I was enthused and bought some of the books, written by George R.R. Martin. I was disappointed. The TV-series is the rarest of adaptations, one that is better than the original. There are many, many positive aspects to the books, but they are all eclipsed by the capons.

As any dramatist will tell you, simply being wounded isn’t exciting, and being an invalid even less so. The main use of these states is so someone can nurse the victim back to rude and boisterous, sweaty health. Or the flip side is so the wound becomes infected and their life ‘hangs in the balance’.

Every wound in the books puts a warrior’s life at risk. Warlords die of a suppurating scratch. Wise-men and medicine women struggle and fail to save the great and the good. Very dramatic, and good solid fantasy fun.

This is why the capons wind me up. Right up.

A capon isn’t just a chicken. Even more than a Sainsbury’s chicken. A capon is a castrated cockerel. Another type of eunuch or gelding. And almost every meal in book two consists of capon, capon, capon. And sometimes capon. I’m not sure, but did I ever tell you how fond we all are of capon? The busiest man in the Seven Kingdoms is the rooster emasculator.

Hundreds and thousands of chicken bollocks bouncing around. How they can take farmyard surgery to such at degree of success, and still have Maester/doctors loosing brave knights to a nick, ‘that threatened life and limb’, is a great discrepancy.

And on a broader note, how come  in Westeros clean incisions (sword wounds) are harder to heal than puncture and tract wounds (arrows and quarrels). Most of the time the opposite is true.

Sorry to be a Negative Nancy, but it is rare for serious fantasy to be less realistic than Pratchett. And Pratchett is also bloody clever and can write beautifully and is hilarious and kind of handsome and has a better beard and includes CONSENSUAL sex and creates cities that breath and please, please, please read Discworld till season three of GOT comes on tele.

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One thought on “Carping on about Capons.

  1. That’s hilarious, I never noticed the number of times Martin described them as eating ‘capon.’

    That being said, I still prefer the books to the television series. My objections to HBO’s adaptations could probably be their own blog post, so I’ll cap it there.

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